We look for happiness as a goal, but happiness is not a goal in itself: it is the result of doing what we love and connecting honestly with others. Happiness lies in shaping yourself and making your own decisions.
It means doing what you want because you want it, enjoying every moment of your life, being independent of others while letting them enjoy their own freedom, and looking for the best in yourself and in the world around you. It is easy to go the other way: to cling to the idea that others should make you the centre of their attention, to blame and control others when things go wrong, to drift through relationships and work instead of committing, and to live on the edges of other people's lives rather than at the heart of your own. You are living an unhappy life when you do not live it naturally: you feel your life has no purpose or meaning, and its real meaning slips away when you look at it closely. Your life was given to you so that you could create its meaning, and if it does not go the way you want, blame no one but yourself. Nobody owes you anything. You are the only person who can make a difference to your life.
You have the strength to stay firm, because the little support you get here and there means nothing unless you are committed to going the whole way on your own, whatever difficulties you face. No promise anyone makes you has the power to make that difference. You can overcome almost any obstacle if you face life head-on, and if you want a good life you will have to overcome many such obstacles all the time. The first thing to overcome is the silly belief that someone will come into your life and make all the changes you need. Do not count on anyone to rescue you, give you the big push, defeat your enemies, back you, recognise your worth and open life's doors for you. You are the only one who can rescue yourself and free your life from its chains. That is the link between the energy within you and your ability to use it as you need.
Build your self-confidence
We always need confidence in ourselves, and confidence that what we do has value. Self-confidence is the basic mechanism that protects us from failure: once we lose confidence in ourselves or our creativity, we cannot carry on or take on projects. Self-confidence is not arrogance or overrating yourself, nor is it looking down on yourself; it is the foundation of a balanced, healthy personality. A self-confident person shows several positive signs:
- Clear vision: a confident person knows their path well. There is no confidence for someone who does not know what they want, who wanders aimlessly or is ruled by chance.
- Emotional balance: a confident person is neither cold and unfeeling nor tense, irritable and easily upset.
- Willpower: a confident person can make realistic plans for their ambitions and carry them out with firm determination.
Meditation and reflection
Meditation is a way of uncovering a person's hidden energy. Practising it helps us work in harmony with nature, making it easier to do our work well and naturally, which leads to success. The world's astonishing technological progress has not given people the peace and happiness they need; on the contrary, technological complexity has made life more complicated. Scientific progress is essential, but it makes us live at a fast pace that leads to exhaustion and stress. That is where techniques of self-control come in, helping people adapt to all the changes around them, often using the most beautiful sounds of nature, such as the sea, the ocean and birdsong, to create a relaxing atmosphere.
Scientists have taken a growing interest in this, especially since it has been shown that our thoughts and emotions directly affect our natural resistance to disease. Hundreds of experiments have shown that chronic stress, with sadness, depression, anxiety, loneliness and low self-confidence, greatly affects our resistance to infection and even cancer, because chronic stress makes the adrenal glands release more cortisone-like hormones, which weaken the body's natural defences.
The instructions are simple but work quickly. Sit comfortably in a quiet place, relax your whole body, close your eyes and breathe deeply and calmly, focusing on your breathing. Choose a word or short phrase from your own beliefs or values and repeat it, thinking about its meaning, each time you breathe out. Repeating meaningful phrases, or picturing an image of something you believe in, has been found to deepen reflection and help you deal with problems faster.
By Bashir Hassan Baddour
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